Most of you reading this probably know me well and know who I'm talking about, but in the interest of all parties involved, I'll neglect to admit who actually said what, in the below conversations.
I will call this, "The Reality of Pregnancy: Conversations Between Preggos" (A compilation of texts and emails between the two of us)
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"Just went through both Wendy’s and Chick-fil-A for
respective favorite foods."
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"I have had two burning pregnancy questions for you: have you
for sure felt him kick yet?? and have you sneezed/coughed/laughed and peed
yourself yet? If the second answer is no, I don't want to discuss this until it
is a yes."
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"I just ate 3 Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in less than 2
minutes. The regular size ones."
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A: "Just sneezed and peed myself at work! I’m driving to a
meeting. Had to pull over, find tissues, and stuff them in my pants in hopes to
help. My ass is wet."
B: "Stand outside in a breeze."
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A: "I could murder Old Navy. I bought a pair of Christmas pajama
pants marked Large…Try them on and can barely pull them up. So I get depressed…I
look at the tag, says Large, hold them up….there is no way! So I look at the
inside tag, and it’s a SMALL. Do not
mess with a preggo weight-gaining woman like that!!!"
B: "How does that even happen? I would have cried- says the girl
currently eating Wendy’s French fries."
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A: "Is planning to drive 6 hours with a 2 month old, by myself,
a terrible idea?"
B: "Depends on your baby, but bottom line... You can get through
6 hrs of anything and survive."
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"Definitely just found a multitude of stretch marks on the under
sides of my boobs. They were hiding there where they rarely see the light of
day."
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"Speaking
of clothes that fit...or lack there of... I recently pinned this on pinterest and then was super excited to see that Gap had these maternity mint jeans.
After
debating with myself about whether or not I REALLY needed mint maternity jeans,
I talked myself into getting them because I had a coupon code. They were
delivered last not. NOT CUTE. Not even remotely flattering, which I should have
totally anticipated. Actually, I really should have realized that the liklihood
of mint colored jeans being fashionable in subsequent pregnancies was dismal
and not wasted my money. But no, I have an internet shopping problem, and went
for it anyways. So I subjected myself to the horrors of my large marge preggo
bod in jeans that were only meant for super skinny girls with zero curves. Why
Gap would even bother making a maternity version of those jeans is beyond me.
So depressing.
(PS, when I don't feel like going to
prenatal yoga tonight, remind me of my body in mint colored maternity jeans)."
A: "Did your boobs get significantly bigger post-birth with the
breast feeding? Or was all the growing during the pregnancy?"
B: "No... they get significantly bigger once your milk comes in.
They don't "settle" until your milk supply is established, but then
as your kid gets older and esp after they start eating solids, your boobs will
go down again. Basically, from now until about 3 months after you completely
finish breastfeeding your boobs will not be the same size at any given time."
A: "Son of a bitch."
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A: "I just had a moment of which I’m not proud. I yelled 'I’m
done with this!' And pulled off my pants."
B: "I love it."
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A: "I just ate a breakfast sandwich AND two donuts from Dunkin Donuts. I have zero self-control."
B: "Haha. I was going to text you earlier bc I got a bagel and
cream cheese while listening to a piece on NPR about the paleo diet and its
benefits."
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A: "I would venture to guess that these are probably even more
unflattering than mint colored maternity jeans."
B: "WTF"
A: "Right?!"
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